Transcript from Video Below:
Hey it’s Dr Ro here hope you’re well and a Happy New Year to you.
What a beautiful day it is today I am just sending a quick message out here it’s not going to be a long live this one, because you may be following us on the Growth Tribes podcasts, myself and Harminder Toor.
I don’t know how many we’ve done now, but I thought I’d share this message today because one of the ones that we’ve had the most listens to and the most downloads to interestingly enough have been ‘Am I ready to be a parent?’
Which is really interesting and I discovered that yesterday when Harms and I were doing a recording and he said to me, I don’t know if you’re aware of this Ro but actually the most popular podcast so far that we’ve done has been ‘Am I ready to be a parent?’
Is said to him wow, maybe we should elaborate on that because there are several things that I didn’t get a chance to cover.
What was interesting was he said to me off the back of that people have been messaging and saying can you do a podcast on am I ready to get married?
Now I thought was fascinating because obviously there’s this kind of link between marriage and parenting and off the back of the podcasts on parenting, we are getting these questions coming in about am I ready to get married?
So I am literally in the car I’m going off to the office where we are going to be recording a podcast on am I ready to get married, so if you’re watching this right now and you’re in a position where you’re not married or you’re thinking about getting married possibly depends on what age you are. Really doesn’t matter some people might be listening to this and they’re 18,19 years of age, some of you might be in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, it’s a really fascinating subject.
Before I just actually drive the car off I thought I’d throw a couple of things out there at you to think about. My question to you is this you might be married already and you’re watching this saying, I’ve been married for the last 10, 15, 20, 30 years, happily married fantastic. It might be that you’re listening to this and you’re in a marriage right now, which is not working, you might be in a marriage which is going through verbal abuse, physical abuse or you’re just completely misaligned with that person. It might be when the relationship started it was amazing and you connected but for some reason over time you drifted apart and it is not quite where you want it to be anymore.
It might be that you’re in a relationship which is okay it’s not amazing but it’s not shitty. It’s just it’s okay, but it’s not quite what you want it to be. It might be that you’re in a relationship and it’s just Nirvana, which is amazing as well.
I’m talking about marriages here or in relationships it doesn’t matter at this stage, what I want to do is address the subject of you being in a relationship with somebody.
The next question of course comes up is, should we get married? We’ve been together two years, five years, 10 years, 12 years, 15 years, whatever. Should we get married? Am I ready to get married?
This then comes down to questions relating to, for example, social pressure, are you feeling the need to get married because you’re 30, 35 years of age. Everyone else around you has got married and you’ve got questions coming at you from parents, “when are you guys going to get married?” Your friends are saying, “hey guys, you thinking about getting married?”
Of course when people get married the question is are you going to have babies and that’s where the parenting podcast came in.
I’m throwing down some questions here to provoke you to think and you might want to make some comments on here as well. Based on your own observations and experiences because I want to address these questions in the podcast when I get to the office with Harminder. He may or may not be watching this right now, but these are the things that are going on in my mind as I go into a podcast.
He picks a subject or I pick a subject and we don’t really do any scripting or anything like that it’s not designed like that. We genuinely do the podcast based on a subject that comes up and then what we feel are the really powerful topics. There is my voice the 53, 54, actually 54 in three days’ time and he is a 30-year-old. So the two of us have two different opinions, two different views and it will be interesting to see what his views are on am I ready to get married, because he is already married.
But then there’s the question of are we getting married just because it’s the thing to do?
Or are we wanting to get married because of the social pressure on us?
Are we getting married because of financial reasons?
I don’t know if you’re aware of this, there are some significant tax benefits to getting married if for example you are a property investor and you and your partner are buying properties for investments. Some significant tax benefits but again, little side note here, seek professional advice, go to a tax adviser and an accountant.
Many people aren’t aware of that. Properties can be moved between husband and wife in a very tax efficient way. That’s not me suggesting to you, “oh my god Dr Ro I didn’t realise that. I’m going to go off to get married, I’m going to rearrange my portfolio in such a way that it becomes even more tax efficient.”
Then there is a legacy planning, meaning you’re planning a legacy for your kids. Maybe you’re not married but you have kids, a situation I’m in. So it might be that you’re thinking ahead and thinking, okay, well actually there are benefits for us to do that.
Of course the other thing is, it’s an institution, it’s a document, it’s a contract that effectively is a legal contract. So you are now bound into a system and are you getting married because you want that certificate to say yes we are legally bound. Now you’re buying into the whole structure of a culture, a government, the legal system by getting the paperwork there as well.
I’m saying all these things because these are all the contentious issues that come up over am I ready to get married.
Now, that’s all the logical stuff, but then there’s the “I love her, I love him. I’m 24 years of age we’ve been together since we were 19, five years together. Am I ready to get married? I think this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, feels like it. Am I ready right now? People are saying to me I should get married. We are 20,25 years of age.”
It might be that you’re not ready to get married and so there’s a level of maturity that comes with that decision as well. And by the way it’s not age-related maturity, if you’re watching this you may or may not agree with this, I’m just thinking through with all the coaching I’ve done with couples.
I’ve coached people. have been with my beautiful partner since 2001 now I think, it’s a long time and in that time I’ve seen people get together, get engaged, get married and get divorced.
The question you’ve got to ask is, does it feel right?
That’s an important question, so am I ready to get married right now should more be related to your emotional development as a human being, as a couple, your values are they aligned?
Are they misaligned?
Are you in a relationship which is more about trading right now than about actually being connected?
There are so many different things to consider here, so this is more of a provocative, challenging question answer type live. Hopefully this is of some sort of value to you, you might be just listening to this for entertainment, you might be listening thinking actually these are some interesting things to consider.
What happens is people go, “Yeah, we really thought we were going to get married but these last six month have been difficult. We seemed to have fallen out over a lot of things. And we’ve had a lot of arguments so we are thinking maybe we shouldn’t get married.”
What if it’s just that you’re both going through some emotional changes right now?
What if one of you has got blocks going on that you need to resolve on a personal development level?
What if your values have shifted such that when you first met you had one set of values which were very aligned. But now you’re finding that your values are slightly different. That doesn’t mean to say you don’t love each other, it just could be that you need to think about and consider checking in on each other’s values to make sure that they are aligned enough and they are visionary aligned as well for the future.
Because ultimately there’s a big difference between physical, sexual attraction, you know, wow, it’s amazing in bed together and we have this great strong connection, but on a practical daily level, we are misaligned. That could be a challenge as well when you look into the marriage. There’s lots of things to consider here.
I’m going to leave it at that.
If you haven’t joined us, come and join us on the Growth Tribes podcast which is totally free and come and have a listen. It’s going to be coming up very shortly, but equally if you want to find out more about this from a relationship perspective I created two- or three-hour programme, which if you go to www.growthtribes.com you can actually find there access to what is called the Growth Tribes membership.
I think for a month or something you can do it for a pound, I’m not sure what the offer is at the moment but go and have a look.
When you go in there you’re going to look at the vault. So as a Growth Tribes member you can go into the vault. In the vaulted areas there are 15, 20 different video series, I’ve got audio programs, I’ve got hypnosis programs and all that stuff. It’s all part of what you get.
But in there is a series about relationships, go listen to that’s if you’re thinking about getting married right now and you’re at that point should we or shouldn’t we, or you’re not sure. You definitely need to work on you and your relationship.
Have a look at that. I think it will be a great place to go and come and have a look and listen to the podcast which I’m probably going to be late for if I don’t go now.
Dr Ro signing out, hopefully that was some value to you.